On Creativity

I carry my diary and a book everywhere I go in an over-the-shoulder pouch. I notice that I have a special feeling when I look at it—the same feeling I experience each time I create something. It’s mystical and awe-inspiring, and now I understand why better. I don’t know how the synthesis of creation happens; it’s beyond my conscious awareness. I’m sure a mechanical, purely logical explanation of the creative act exists somewhere in principle, but it’s outside my grasp. That’s why every time I create, I am more of a bystander watching parts of me that I understand little of come together and perform their magic—a heavenly miracle. In a way, I don’t create as a voluntary act; I just let creation happen. When I’m in this state, I feel an indescribable sensation. It’s special because I feel like I’m becoming more than just myself. I touch the divine, participate in an alchemical ritual, push the boundaries. I create something that didn’t exist a second ago, seemingly ex nihilo.

So, why am I afraid to be truly myself deep down? Why do I hesitate to try creative writing? I fear routine, the continuous effort needed to complete a project. I worry about failing, putting effort into something that has no purpose or audience. I’m terrified of looking foolish, of having the nerve to believe that I am special or that my stories are different and unique.

Now that the fears are in the spotlight, I see through their deception. We are all special, every creator. Yes, we start by copying others or aspiring to be like our beloved idols. However, I believe that no creator can remain in this phase forever. If someone is truly a creator, meaning a person who genuinely reaches inside to that mystical fountain and offers ideas, then inevitably, a style and a unique voice will emerge and become solidified through repeated work. It’s a natural process, and many predecessors serve as witnesses to this fact.

Regarding commercial success, yes, it’s an unpredictable and fleeting realm, and only a lucky few manage to reach it. Still, that doesn’t lessen the joy of creating. Why should I deny myself the activity that brings me so much purpose and satisfaction? Why compare myself to the famous writers? And, ultimately, there are ways to share my work without relying on agents or enduring endless rejections. The beauty and curse of today’s age is that anyone with half a brain can post their work online. The ultimate verdict lies with the viewers, and even if no one ever appreciates or sees my work, I still enjoy making it. It’s a position that cannot be lost. Love what you do, man, because it’s also part of who you are!